on October 22, 2011 By In Ask The Coach Leave a comment

Living with Motivation

by Linda
(California)

I am married to a self-proclaimed motivation guru. He’s been to numerous Tony Robbins seminars, Dale Carnegie classes, Steve Linder seminars, done all of Tony Robbin’s programs, read libraries full of self-improvement books by countless authors, and the list goes on.

My question is, how do you live harmoniously with a person like this when you think most of it is a bunch of bologna?

I’m about ready to pull my hair out and just end the marriage. He has been out of work for nearly six years (most of our marriage) but continually working on the “next great business” (usually based somehow on all his motiviation/self-improvement skills) which will make us millions.

We have a huge collection of business cards, promotional pens, wristbands and postcards that just sit around collecting dust and never saw the hands of a potential client.

One of his excuses for not getting things going is MY unwillingness to use the tools as taught by all the experts he’s read and learned from. Why doesn’t he just use the tools himself and get his business off the ground? He says he needs a team, no one can do it on their own. Bla bla bla.

I support him every way I can – I pay all the bills, allow him to purchase what he needs for his business (which also caused me to file for bankruptcy because everything was in my name), work full time, assist him with his business when he asks (proof reading, providing opinions on the look of something, etc.), tell him he’s doing a good job but I refuse to bank my future on a vision board and The Secret and just waiting for something to land in our laps.

I believe in working to get what you want, not wishing upon a star and giving a half-assed effort to achieve your goals.

Sorry I rambled.

Thank you for your time.

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Living with Motivation

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What is Your Motivation
by: Mr. Potential 

Hello Linda,

Thank you for sharing your story. In marriage the key is communication and compromise. However, in order to communicate effectively with someone else and to come to an effective compromise you have to be clear about your own goals in life including your marriage. In your explanation, you explained much about your husband?s goals and what he wants to do but not much about what you want out of your own life. Many people spend a lot of time, money and resources to find what they are looking, when all they have to do is stop looking, because all they need is within. It?s easy to pay lip service to a cause or belief, but doing the real inner work of controlling your thoughts, emotions and feelings are the key.

So, take a moment for yourself and reflect upon your own life where you are now and where you want to be and how you can get there. When you sort out these questions for your life, you be able to re-evaluate your place in your marriage, and be able to set new guidelines for success in your marriage that you can communicate with your husband and not feel as stressed. You have to be happy first, before you can be happy together.

Take the coach quiz and see how coachable you are:

http://www.self-improvement-life-coach.com/Life-Coach-Quiz.html

All The Best

Mr. Potential